Savior
by ScarredIncisions
Summary: Annabeth is depressed...and a bunch of other things. She's admitted to the adolescent ward of Half-Blood Hill, world-renowned mental institution. Follow her as she struggles to over-come her demons, while meeting people with equally painful problems. I might warn, the characters will be highly OOC, mainly because of the context of the story.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hey guys...so I decided to come back to Fanfiction. I hope you like this story. It's actually based off of my real experiences with both my mental disorders and my numerous trips to a psychiatric ward. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Percy Jackson, but I don't.**

**Prologue**

Have you ever thought that you were alone?

All alone in you mind, that is. No one battles any mental illness, as you do, no one has Major Depressive Disorder, no one has chronic depression, no one was highly suicidal, no one was "a danger to themselves", no one has anorexia _and_ bulimia, no one has scars littering their arms, legs, stomach, etc., no one has five different types of anxiety, including but not limited to: anxiety disorder, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder.

Have you ever felt so _utterly_ alone, that it soon became _painful_, even?

Yeah, I have to.

That is, until I was admitted to Half-Blood Hill, New York's world-renowned mental institution. It had a child's unit, an adolescent unit, and an adult unit.

I didn't have to go. I _shouldn't_ be going. If this morning hadn't happened, my parents wouldn't be so worried, I wouldn't be sitting tied down to an ambulance, watching the sad water droplets fall from the sky and sink down the glass, as if reflecting my feelings. I wouldn't be watching my mother silently cry next to me, I wouldn't see my father trailing in our family car to accompany me to Half-Blood Hill. All of this had only started this morning…

***Flashback***

_It was 6:45, barely the crack of dawn. I slept through my alarm, not wanting to go to school today, or at all for that matter. I hated school. Sure I got straight A's, but I didn't have any friends, and was the center for all bullying. _

_My mother had come upstairs and knocked to make sure I was awake; I never slept through my alarm. After hearing no response, she opened the door, assuming I was asleep. She would believe me, I had my head in the pillow and tried keeping my breath as even as possible._

_Suddenly, I heard her gasp and before I could even wonder what happened, she violently shook me "awake". I turned over, groaning, until I saw my mother staring at me, mouth agape. I looked down, puzzled, until I realized what she had seen and sucked in a sharp breath. Somehow, I slept so wildly that my sleeves, pant legs, and the hem of the shirt had ridden up. Scars, new or old, and fresh, deep, angry red cuts littered my body. And here was my mother, staring directly at all of them. I noticed tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, with even a couple escaping. I hung my head low, sad that I had caused pain to the one woman in my life who had shown me what the definition of compassion was and even what love was, along with my father._

_"__Frederick!" My mother screeched at the top of her lungs._

_I heard my father dash into my room. "Athena, wha—?" His question died in his throat when he noticed my arms, legs, and stomach. As expected, he began to cry along with my mother, just not as much._

_"__Why, Annabeth?" My mom asked gently._

_I had no answer. What could I possibly say? I had hurt the only two friends I had, even if they _**_were_**_ my parents. They were the only people who I could to without my social anxiety messing everything up for me. So stupid. Stupid, stupid, Annabeth._

_"__Hun, we have to take you to the hospital." My head shot up at my mom's words. No way was I going to the hospital. They _**_were not_**_ going to see the cuts, or weigh me, or silently judge me. I've done a pretty good job of avoiding the hospital for a good eighteen months, which is when the cutting spread farther than my wrists._

_"__No," I pathetically tried to beg. But when I saw my parents shake their head at the same, I knew there was no turning back or changing their minds._

_"__Okay," I agreed weakly, standing to go get ready. My parents refused to leave me, go figures, while I took a shower and got dressed. The ride to the hospital was solemn and quiet, leaving everyone to their own thoughts, until I eventually drifted off. Eventually, my mother shook me lightly, indicating that we were at the emergency room entrance._

_I steadily walked out of the car after my mother, bracing myself to what was ahead. As we walked in, the nurse at the front desk smiled at me and my mother, then asked what brought us here today. My mother simply stated and told him that she found some self-injurious scars on my body that she thought was linked to suicidal thoughts. He asked if I had any other mental illness, and my mother rattled off my five types of anxiety, along with the fact that my social anxiety has caused me to only have human contact with her and my father. But that wasn't true, I did go to school after all. I talked to my teachers, they were the only reason that I can stand school without my parents being able to assure me that I wasn't a disappointment, that I am possible of doing something worthwhile, even if I never have and never will believe it._

_Pretty soon after checking in, I heard 'Annabeth Chase' called from another nurse, this time female. The dreaded moment finally came; she asked me to step on a scale before we can continue further on into the accursed emergency room. I did and held my breath before a number came up._

_31 kilograms. Roughly 68 pounds._

_Cue sharp breath from both the nurse and my mother, both starting to pale rapidly. I sighed, that number didn't seem small to me. Call me crazy, but my goal weight was zero. I was still about 68 pounds away._

_"__Okay dear," the nurse started. "I'm going to ask you a question. I need you to answer as honestly as possible, okay?" I nodded, no use hiding anything anymore. "By any chance, do you have anorexia, or bulimia, or both?" _

_"__The third one," I whispered, holding my head down again. The nurse only nodded, leading my mother and I into a room, where we were told a psychiatrist would be with us shortly, after standard medical procedure. After an EKG, blood pressure checking, oxygen level reviews, and having me pee in a cup, my father walked in, right before the psychiatrist could. He apologized, having to take the car farther than he anticipated because of a traffic-induced crash blocking off the entire street. Right then, a doctor walked in, whom I assumed was the psychiatrist. I tried reading his name tag, but couldn't due to my dyslexia._

_"__Hi Annabeth, Mr. and Mrs. Chase, I'm Dr. Solace," he said. "I would like to ask Annabeth some questions alone, please. Just for a minute." He smiled, and my parents slowly left the room, only after my mother came back to hug me, tears in her eyes once again._

Okay Annabeth, you can do this_, I thought. He asked me the following questions:_

_Was I cutting myself? May he know where said cuts were?_

_Did I have all of my anxiety from birth?_

_Did I ever think that I had depression?_

_Did I refuse to seek out help in fear of something bad happening?_

_Was I suicidal? Did I consider taking my own life in the last two weeks?_

_Did my parents and I have a good relationship?_

_Did I do well in school?_

_Did I have friends? _

_Was I social with anyone besides teachers and my parents?_

_Have I eaten in the last two days?_

_Of course the answer was yes to all of the questions except the last three. I also told him some other things about me that I thought he would like to know. He thanked me and went to meet with my parents, leaving me for twenty minutes all alone, only after posting a security guard at the door. When my parents returned, they both had grave looks on their faces. I hated seeing them like this, I knew that they were only keeping on a brave front for me. I almost opened my mouth to ask what was going to happen to me, when my father decided to speak._

_"__Annabeth, you're going to be admitted to Half-Blood Hill. Today." And that's when I, my mother, and my father all lost it, sobbing into each other. Soon there was a gurney coming towards my room, so we quickly composed ourselves._

_I was strapped into the gurney, with my hands and feet restricted, as not to "endanger myself", and my mom climbed in with me, with my father trailing behind in the car. They said that I would be at Half-Blood Hill for _**_at least_**_ three weeks, and I was already counting down the milliseconds._

***Flashback Ended***

So that was it. I'm Annabeth Chase, I'm seventeen years old, and I'm going to Half-Blood Hill for three weeks. Here's my story…

**A/N: So I hope you guys like the prologue. I'm not quite sure if the story will be as short as the prologue, but you'll figure it out when I update, right? Anyways, I typed ****this at a size 12 Times New Roman on my Mac, so I don't think it's very long. **

**Please read, review, let me know someone read this. Thanks.**

**~ScarredIncisions**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The ambulance finally pulled up to Half-Blood Hill, after what seemed like forever. The outside was totally the unexpected; it was actually a decent looking place. The ambulance EMS workers took me out and wheeled me into the hospital, never actually releasing my hands or allowing me to come off the gurney until we reach the desk labeled 'check-in'. The lady looked up, and smiled sadly at my mother and I, noticing that I was a new patient. When I was finally let off of the gurney, the woman put a yellow bracelet on my wrist then led my parents and me into a small glass-wall room so that my parents could take care of all the legal documents and such.

After signing a few forms, a nurse came in. "Anna-Beth? Am I pronouncing your name correctly?" I told her that yes she was, then she smiled and introduced herself. "I'm Nurse Beauregard," she said sweetly, "but you can just call me Silena. To your room now, shall we?"

I smiled at her improper grammar and decided that I liked Silena. After waving good-bye to my parents, I followed Silena down a hallway, to where I assumed my room would be. On the way there, we saw seven kids sitting around a staff member who seemed to be an occupational therapist (OT). Silena pointed out each one to me, telling me their names and ages but never mentioning their diagnosis.

I made mental notes in my head. "_Percy: gorgeous kid with raven hair and sea-green eyes, seventeen like me, keeps nervously looking into a corner and muttering as if someone's talking to him. Thalia: extremely skinny, very pretty, with a double piercing in each ear, electric blue eyes, also seventeen. Nico: slightly younger, only fifteen, ace gauze bandages taped up to elbows on both arms, attractive, onyx eyes, looks extremely sad. Leo: Latino with extremely curly hair, but cut neatly, fifteen years old, not really suspicious, also good looking. Frank: half-Asian, half-Caucasian, sixteen years old, sits extremely far away from the group, looks very frightened, semi-attractive. Piper: also sixteen, so gorgeous it literally makes me hate everything about myself, kaleidoscope eyes, short brown hair that's choppy as if she gave herself a haircut, her hands are constantly rapping the tabletop while her right foot nervously taps on the ground. Jason: sixteen, blonde like me, sky blue eyes, decently good-looking, eyes keeps darting back and forth nervously, wrings hands constantly. Got it all._" I had also noticed the bracelets on all of their arms "_So it wasn't just for new people,_" I thought, "_All patients get one._"

Piper, Leo, and Thalia had green bracelets. Me, Nico, and Jason had yellow bracelets. But Percy and Frank had red bracelets, making me wonder what each bracelet stood for.

We finally arrived to my room, all the way in the back, next to the industrial barred-off window. Because of my social anxiety and how horribly I mix with new people, I was granted the mercy of receiving my own room. I noticed, as we were walking, that I was not the only one with a single room. There were name tags on every door, so it would be easy to remember who lived where. Percy had the room closest to the front desk where the on-call duty workers would be, and across the hall from him was Frank's room. Right next to Percy was Leo and Nico, who happened to be roommates, since their names were on the same door. Next to them were Thalia and Piper, who also happened to be roommates. Across from their room were two bathrooms, hence why Leo and Nico didn't have anybody across from them. Then at the very end of the hall was my room, where I noticed that Jason's was directly across from me, which happened to be a single.

Silena told me to get myself situated while she went to "fetch my parents from the dreaded conference room". She also went to retrieve my belongings from them. After what only seemed like seconds, my mother and father appeared in the room, looking distraught.

"Annabeth," my father started slowly. I could tell this was hard for him to get out. "This hospital has pretty stupid rules, I'll be straight-forward with that much." It made me and my mother crack a smile, despite the situation we were in. My father always was humorously straight-forward. "We won't be allowed to visit you until we hear that you're getting released." My smile instantly dropped. What was I supposed to do without the only people I'm comfortable enough to talk to, not open up to, but just to talk to in general. I didn't know anyone here, I wouldn't make it at least three weeks without my mother or my father.

"Hun, it'll be tough for all of us, but we'll always be calling you on daily basis, trust me," my mother said reassuringly. I nodded in appreciation to that.

Silena popped in, letting us know we only had five minutes until my parents had to leave and I had to go to the common room to 'meet the other kids on the unit', something I was dreading. It was like they didn't even remember that I had social anxiety. Sighing, I told my parents bye and vice versa. After they left, I was taken into the common room and sat as humanely far away from the others as possible. It seemed as though we were allowed free time for now until lunch.

Wait…lunch. Crap. How was I supposed to _eat_? Did they even expect me to? I wasn't even at my goal weight, much less willing to eat anything until I got there. I forced a panic attack down my throat and decided to cross that bridge when it arrived.

"Hi," a timid voice said from next to me, causing me to almost jump out of my skin. I turned and saw Frank, forgetting that he was also isolating himself from the group. "Hi." I said almost as nervously.

"I'm Frank, who are you?" He seemed pretty nervous and frightened talking to me, so I decided he couldn't be as bad as I had thought of anyone here. "Annabeth," I said, sticking out my hand for him to shake. He almost recoiled immediately, making me wonder how I had screwed something up this time.

"S—sorry," he mumbled. "Not you. I just don't let people touch me."

I convened my understanding and then decided to probe just a tad, something I usually didn't do, since I didn't talk to people. I was actually surprised that I had decided to carry on my conversation with Frank. "If you don't mind me asking, what is your diagnosis?"

He eyed me warily, then decided to answer. "PTSD, they say. I was raped multiple times when I was ten by a family friend—well not a friend anymore—and it pretty much traumatized me for life. I get flashbacks sometimes, so it makes me get pretty violent. Why I have this color." He said, holding up his red bracelet, then eyeing my yellow one. "Why are you here?"

I sighed, assuming that he was trustworthy since he was just willing to be so open with me. "MDD, chronic depression, suicide ideation, eating disorders, self-harm, and five types of anxiety, which is why I sit so far away from everyone else." I got more self-conscious as the list went on, maybe Frank thought I was a freak now.

But I immediately thought differently when I saw a look of shared pain cross his eyes. "It's okay. I'm a total hypocrite for saying this because I never believe it, but things get better." He smiled, and I smiled back.

I then remembered the bracelets, then decided to ask about the color coding. Frank told me that green meant that the person wasn't of any danger, yellow meant that the person was of danger to themselves. "_Go figures,_" I thought, looking at my yellow bracelet. But red was the worst, Frank said. It meant that you were a danger to both yourself and others. That was why Frank got a single room, he explained. Whenever he got flashbacks, apparently it wasn't pretty. When they were over he would be overtaken in a fit of rage, punching the concrete walls in his room, where he was restrained during his fits, until his knuckles bled and then if the staff didn't close the door, they would either get a concussion or need to duck because he would throw furniture in his room directly at the door, aiming for one of the employees.

"Oh," was all I could say. "How long have you been here?"

"Eight months…" he trailed. Wait, I'm sorry; did he say eight months? "Yeah I know," he said. "Too much time. It's just that I won't get better. They can't seem to find a med that actually works for me without causing too much of a certain side effect. My mom and dad have been begging to come see me, but they won't let them because of the stupid rules about visitors." He sighed. "All I ever want to do is make my parents happy. When I get out of this hellhole I'll get rich enough to buy them all the shit they deserve."

I smiled, about to respond, when something weird started to happen. Frank suddenly went completely rigid, and sweat broke out onto his face. He kept whispering _no_ under his breath, and something about how he didn't want this, he was only ten, it hurt too much, when I realized something.

He was having a flashback.

Normally this was out of my character, but I had finally found someone who I thought would be a friend. I jumped up, startling all of the other kids on the floor because of how distant I was being and suddenly decided to act out, but I didn't care.

"Silena!" I shouted, then indicated to where Frank was, totally collapsing. She muttered a quick word of thanks, and dashed over to Frank while paging security for some back-up and reinforcement to hold him when he was finished. As other nurses flooded around him, he suddenly became obscure from my line of vision. Security quickly came and hauled him into his room, where the door was quickly locked and two guards were posted outside, along with a nurse, who was not Silena, standing with a cup of pills, which I assumed was his medication for when he had 'out bursts' like this.

I closed my eyes as I could hear the sounds of furniture hitting the walls, at least he didn't split his knuckles open this time, or at least I hoped he didn't, because I couldn't hear him beating the wall.

Eventually the noise quieted down, and Silena came back to the common room to notify us that Frank was now asleep, and he's okay. I finally relaxed, decided to just look out of the window for a half an hour until the dreaded lunch hour. Not that I could see much, there was thick bullet-proof, shatter-free glass serving as a window with thick bars covering it.

Another nurse soon came in. Her name tag said "Nurse Tanaka", but like Silena, she told us to just call her Drew. Apparently she just transferred from the adult unit to the adolescent unit and spent some time telling us about herself. She was in her late twenties, went to Brown, played varsity volleyball, ran track, and was engaged to her fiancé Luke, whom she seemed to love very much, and vice versa. I decided that I liked Drew, just as I liked Silena.

But then she told us that it was time for lunch.

Of course I couldn't hate her for doing her job, but she delivered the news, so my likeness towards her wavered slightly. I sighed inwardly to myself when I saw eight trays come onto the unit, which meant that each of us _had_ to eat.

"Thalia? Annabeth?" Drew called. "You need to eat at the nurse's station, please." I saw Thalia stand up and walk over with no resistance, so I followed suit. When I sat down, careful not to be too close to her, our food was set in front of us. I inwardly groaned while Thalia groaned out-loud plainly.

Thalia just shoved her food away while everyone in the nurses station gave her a pointed look, as if to say _you have to eat sooner or later_. She just shrugged off the looks and turned to me.

"Hi," she started, "so your name is Annabeth? That's a pretty awesome name. Welcome to Half-Blood Hill, in case no one's told you. I've only been here for five days, but it's been an eternity to me. What's your diagnosis?"

For some reason, I could feel myself to begin to panic. Somehow my social anxiety didn't act up around Frank, but around Thalia I felt as though I were going to have a panic attack. It wasn't that she was a bad person, she actually seemed like a pretty nice person to befriend. I started to breathe pretty heavily and I guess she caught on because of what she said next.

"Oh crap! You have social anxiety don't you? Oh shit, so sorry, okay I won't pry," she quickly apologized, making my breathing calm down, hoping she wouldn't attempt to talk to me again. But curse my luck. "Okay, maybe you want to talk, maybe you don't. But I need an excuse to not eat; so I'll tell you my diagnosis. Anorexia." _Explains why she's so skinny_, I thought.

Actually registering what she just said, my head shot up at that, finally someone who had the same diagnosis as me! Or at least partially. I decided to just spit out what my diagnosis was, listing it exactly how I listed it to Frank. "Well they say MDD, chronic depression, suicide ideation, eating disorders, self-harm, and five types of anxiety, which is why I sit so far away from everyone else."

Thalia seemed to mull this over, before nodding. "Okay," was all she said for a while. Then: "Okay, they won't let us go until a whole hour after we eat. Scared we'll throw up, so stupid." I had to crack a smile at that. Thalia was a very expressive girl who didn't seem to care what others thought of her.

"Okay," I said, waiting for her to get to her point.

"Well," she said, "They usually argue with me for about half an hour until threatening to give me some meds that put wicked weight on me so of course then I eat. But since we're kind of in this together we eat together, mhm? Then we sit together for an hour, I won't force you to talk if you don't want, don't want you to have a panic attack, but we do this together. Deal?" And she stuck out her hand, as if to sign this deal. I shook her hand, "Deal."

So we ate, or tried to eat, as little as possible until the nurses were satisfied with the amount of food left on our plates and then talked after that, pausing periodically so I can get my nerves under control. I still wasn't used to talking to people for so long at a time. Heck, I didn't talk to people for more than a minute if I didn't have to. But Thalia seemed to understand, because she kept reminding me that we didn't have to talk if I didn't want, or 'hey! Just imagine I'm naked! Terrifyingly hilarious, right? Now speak!' I learned that Thalia and her mother didn't always have the best relationship, but since she turned fourteen, they got a lot closer, and her mom is begging to come visit her, although the hospital has these 'shit rules', as Thalia so graciously put it. Before I knew it, the hour was up and we were free to go.

We were notified to go to "group check-in". Thalia volunteered to lead the way since it was my first day. We got to a giant room with a conference table set up for nine—the eight patients here and the OT. Everyone was already sitting down, so I decided to sit right between Frank and Thalia. Frank still looked shaken up, but was definitely better than earlier.

I mouthed a 'you okay?' to him, to which he smiled and nodded. I felt slightly reassured, so I smiled back at him. That's when the OT cleared his throat, then turned to the group.

"Hi, most of you met me earlier, but there's someone here who hasn't," he smiled kindly at me. "I'm Mike, an OT from the child's unit. I just recently transferred, today actually, and would like to get to know all of you. So, why don't we all stand up, say our names, the color bracelet we have, how long we've been here, and our diagnosis." Cue eight confused looks here, and a laugh from Mike. "I know you're all thinking 'shouldn't diagnosis' be private, so says the almighty staff'? Well we all decided we might as well let you share since you lot eventually share with each other when no one's looking or listening."

Piper, the one closest to Mike's left, went first. "I'm Piper, I have a green bracelet because I couldn't hurt a fly, so don't be scared to talk to me. I've been here for four weeks. I'm here because they call me a 'kleptomaniac', although I say that I just like taking nice things." She smiled mischievously and sat back down.

Jason then stood, "I'm Jason, I have a yellow bracelet. My diagnosis is panic disorder, I get anxious really easily, and I get panic attacks a lot. I tend to dig my skin off during attacks, which is why I have the yellow bracelet. My skin tends to look like so," and he rolled up his sleeves, revealing giant gashes obviously made by human fingernails, and they looked pretty bad. "I've been here for two months." Jason hastily rolled his sleeves down and sat back in his seat, putting his head on the table and pulling his hood over his head.

Leo jumped up enthusiastically, seemingly eager to introduce himself. "Okay! So my name is Leo! I'm a pyromaniac, but I gotta admit that they're right. Almost burned down a daycare before I came here. Ha, lucky no one was in there. Yeah, so I have a green bracelet, because obviously there's no fire in a looney bin. Oh! I've been here for…lemme see…two weeks? Yup, sounds right!" He grinned and sat back down.

Next was Thalia's turn. "I'm Thalia, I'm anorexic at a whooping sixty-five pounds, I have a green bracelet for obvious reasons, and I've been here for five days." Curt and straight to the point, nice.

I sat and didn't realize that it was my turn until Mike gently called my name. _Crap_, I thought. "Uh, hi. I have Major Depressive Disorder, chronic depression, suicide ideation, anorexia and bulimia, I weigh 68 pounds, I have extreme self-harm issues, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, and social anxiety disorder. My name is Annabeth, and I have a yellow bracelet. I just came today." Then I promptly sat down, careful not to look anyone in the eye directly.

Frank stood up and said, "Hi I'm Frank, I have a red bracelet, I've been here for eight months, I have PTSD because I was raped many times when I was ten. I get wicked flashbacks that result in violence, hence the red bracelet."

Nico stood up, eyes downcast and staring at the floor. "I'm Nico, I have chronic depression and I cut and burn myself, I have a yellow bracelet because I scratch my arms a lot and draw blood. I've been here for fourteen months and I miss my parents like hell." _Fourteen months? That's how long I can possibly be here?_

Last was Percy. He kept staring at the corner of the room and mumbling replies to whatever was there. "I can't…I mean my name is Percy," he looked into the corner again before continuing, "I have paranoid and general schizophrenia, um, I've been here for two and a half years…" He looked into the corner again while everyone looked completely amazed at how long he's survived here. "I have a red bracelet because my friends keep making me hurt myself and people. You can't see my friends, but they're here. This is the first check-in I've been to in a year. Can I go see Silena now?" Mike nodded, and Percy ran out of the room as fast as possible.

"Okay, I don't try to take up more than half an hour of your time, so quick check-ins. Rate your day from one to ten, one being the lowest, please."

Basically the scores went like: Piper—8, Jason—5, Leo—8, Thalia—5, me—0, Frank—2, and Nico—negative 3. Mike thanked us, then let us go.

We didn't have anything to do until dinner, so for the kids who've been here for at least a week and didn't have a red bracelet (which was everyone but me, Thalia, Percy, and Frank), they were invited to go outside. 'Outside' meaning a cage attached to the unit with electrical fencing going all the way up to the roof to prevent anyone from leaving.

Piper, Jason, and Leo all went out, but Nico decided to go sleep until dinner, which was about four hours away. Thalia seconded his notion, and decided to also go to bed. Frank asked for his "coping box" from an on-duty nurse and then asked if I wanted to join him. I said yes, scared to be rude and decline his offer. He got it, some paper, and a pen. Then we sat at a table. and he explained to me what his coping box was. Apparently, it was originally an idea for kids who struggled with self-harm ('Maybe it'll help you!' he said), but he used it as ideas to prevent panics and flashbacks. He let me read what he had so far:

_Call mom._

_Call dad._

_Write out what he was thinking, not having to be about a flashback._

_Draw a picture._

_Call my sister._

_Talk to Silena._

_Talk to Drew._

_Talk to one of the psychiatrists._

He said I can add what I wanted to the box, if I wanted, and I continued the list:

_9. Draw on myself instead of cutting._

I was basically done at the one point, until Frank took the pen and wrote something else.

_10. Talk to Frank._

That made me smile, and I said thank you, but I don't think that 'thank you' was enough to express my gratitude, so I tried searching for more words. He seemed to understand what I was trying to get at because he laughed and said you're welcome, then frowned when he looked at the clock. Three and a half hours until dinner. He scowled, then tried to apologize for having an appointment with the psychiatrist because of his flashbacks earlier today. I said it was fine, then decided to go back to my room, but was stopped when Percy spoke to me.

"Excuse me? Annabeth?" I turned around slightly. "Sorry, I know you have social anxiety, but I want to say hi. My friend said I should. Hi." And with that, he turned on his heel hesitantly.

"Hi," I whispered, making him freeze, then run towards the nurse station as fast as possible. He grabbed a pen and stuck it straight in his arm, dragging it down his flesh, tearing it on the way. I screamed, "Percy!" That captured Drew's attention, who seemed to be getting someone's medication, but immediately dropped what she was doing and snatched the pen out of Percy's hand to prevent him from hurting himself anymore. He started crying, actually _crying_, then apologizing to Drew over and over again while he was being dragged to his room.

It was a whole twenty minutes before Percy and Drew came back out, going towards the nurse's station for his medication. Silena tried handing him the cup, but Percy declined. Silena sighed, as if this was a regular routine.

"Percy, you can't see your parents if you don't get better. The medication will help, I promise. Please," she pleaded. Percy just shook his head. "My friends say no." Silena looked sadly at him, then said okay, he's free to go.

Percy walked over to me, being courteous and careful enough not to sit to close to me.

"I would like to talk to you. If you don't want to, it's fine though."

I don't know why, but I motioned for him to continue.

**AN: So I guess my chapters will be decent length. This is eight pages at a size 12 font. Idk if you guys think it's long or not, but good enough?**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Percy looked down, seemingly contemplating where to start.

"So I have some friends. Except no one can see them except me. They make me do bad things. A lot." He then started to pick at the gauze, trying to lift it off his arm, where the gashes he just made with the pen were. "They don't have names, and I can't see their faces, but they're still there." He looked at me, as if to challenge any denial. I didn't say anything, so he continued. "They're pretty mean, actually. They tried to get me to kill my parents before I got here, which was when I was fifteen." My eyes widened, but he kept talking. "Yeah, I have an older brother named Tyson, he was twenty when this happened, but he's twenty-two now. He's pretty awesome. Came right up behind me and wrestled the knife out of my hands." He paused. "My parents and my family are pretty cool." He then looked me in the eyes, "Actually, you're the first patient I've talked to in a year. Huh, my friends must like you." He finally got the gauze off, and started to stick his nail into the cuts. I tried to get him to stop, but he just shook me off. "They told me to stick the pen in my arm, they said that you didn't want to say hi to me but I bothered you so yeah that was my punishment, I guess."

I realized his story was over, so I asked a tentative question. "If your friends make you hurt yourself and your family, are they really friends?"

He seemed to mull this over before actually answering. "They're not, but they don't like hearing that they aren't, so I have to keep them happy so they don't make me hurt myself. You're my actual, true-life friend, right? I've never actually had a friend that weren't the things only I could see. The other friends I have keep saying that I don't need to have friends besides them, but I don't think so; so will you be my friend?"

I didn't even have to think for more than a second before I said yes, making Percy smile. But then I asked, "Why don't you take your medication?" And he frowned before answering, "My friends tell me not to. They say it'll make me worse and I won't get discharged any time soon. They also say that something bad'll happen to my brother and parents."

I chose my words carefully, wary of the fact that anything I say could set off the things he saw and heard. "Well have you ever tried it at least once? For yourself? Maybe they're wrong, Percy. You never know. Maybe it works, and it'll get you out of here to see your family again?"

Percy looked at me sadly at first, then winced. "Sorry, they're angry now. I might consider it." Then he winced again, even harder this time.

"Anyways," he said, "tell me about yourself. You know about me, tell me about you. What about your parents and stuff, mhm?"

I smiled at him and began. "Well my parents are pretty cool, if I do say so myself. I don't have any siblings, but I wish I did. Umm…I go to Goode High School and I get straight A's." I felt a little self-conscious of what I was saying, wondering if the part about my grades made me sound conceited or not.

Apparently they didn't, because what Percy said was unexpected. "Ah, nice. Wise girl. I went to Goode too, before I got admitted here, that is." I was shocked, my mouth forming an 'o'. "But I usually only pulled off C's and B's, and a couple of A's if I got extra lucky and my friends were being extra nice to me."

So that's how we spent the next couple of hours, talking and sharing life stories. Percy's family seemed to really be supportive and loving, despite Percy's "issues". I learned that him and his mother (Sally, another name to remember) had an ongoing joke about blue food, ever since he was about four, because his dad (Poseidon, got to remember that too) said that there's no such thing as blue food, and they've been proving him wrong ever since. His brother Tyson was in his first year towards his masters degree in mechanical engineering at Princeton, choosing to move out of state but staying close enough to see Percy occasionally (of course before he got here, 'this no visitors rule is poop', as Percy so eloquently put it). Every summer his parents used to take him to Montauk beach, right on Long Island, and stay in one of the cabins there for a week every month before school started. They'd go at the end of June, middle of July, and then in the middle of August. His father was the one to teach him how to fish and swim, and overall, him and his parents had an amazing relationship. I told him about a time when I was five and I went bowling with my parents and got my finger stuck in a ball, then ran around until I slipped right onto the lane, where the ball finally came off and made a strike. He almost died with laughter, and even fell right out of his seat.

He told me a bunch of equally embarrassing stories about himself and vice versa, until Silena and Drew went around letting us know that we had half an hour until dinner. I didn't even think I cared so much; I had never laughed as much in my life as Percy made me in those few three hours. Well, I didn't care until I registered what I had heard: _dinner in half an hour_. I frowned, and Percy noticed. "What's wrong?" He actually seemed concerned. He was the first person besides my parents to seemed concerned, and that made me smile. "Food," I simply said, and he understood what I meant, because he told me that it'll be okay some day, and, I quote, "You're beautiful anyways," followed by a wink from his gorgeous sea green eyes. I didn't know what to say, so I just kind of jumped on him and hugged him. He was surprised, but hugged me back. That's when the dinner trays rolled up to the floor, and I decided that I might as well eat now and get it over with.

I told Percy that I'm going to eat now, after I got Thalia so we could eat together, and then turned to go, but he called me back. "Annabeth?"

"Yeah?" I turned to face him, noticing his wince.

"I really should thank you, y'know?" I raised my eyebrow in confusion. He looked nervous. "That was the longest my friends haven't bothered me. They're angry now, but it was worth it. I haven't laughed that much, or laughed at all for that matter, in a very long time."

He winced again, but he smiled. I smiled back, although it was bittersweet. I was happy to make him laugh so much in so long, but then I was also sad because I had made those things in his head angry at him.

When I got Thalia from her room, she was out of it, seeing as she had just woken up from a nap. We ate in silence, unlike at lunchtime earlier. Thalia decided to go back to sleep, so she asked Drew if she could spend the hour in her room, and Drew followed her. That left Silena at the nurses' station, along with some other nurses coming in for their evening shifts. I just sat to myself, thinking of Percy and hoping he was okay. I saw him sitting at a table all by himself, whispering to the air and covering his ears, not really focusing on his plate.

I turned away and hastily wiped away the tears forming in the corners of my eyes. I looked down at the table, and sensed the weight of another person next to me.

"Hi," Silena said. "Anything wrong?"

"Percy," I mumbled. "Everything seemed fine, but then when I left to get Thalia…ugh, I don't know what happened." I looked at her desperately, with wide gray eyes pleading for help.

Silena smiled at me. "Well, you know what I think?" She didn't give me an opportunity to answer. "I think that you still did Percy an amazing favor. I've been working here for about three years, so I've been here was Percy was first admitted. I've seen him speak, I've seen rare moments when he's smiled—only slightly—and I've never, _ever_ heard him laugh. In two and a half whole years. Never heard him laugh. At all. So maybe he's being bothered right now by the things in his head, but he's had a difficult life. It was good to see him happy for once. So stop being so hard on yourself, Annabeth. Be proud. You didn't mess up, you did something right. Honestly, you're a really talented, smart, beautiful girl with a lot of potential in you."

I started to say thank you, but Silena cut me off. "I'm being completely honest, Annabeth. You even got him to open up, even if a little. Never has he done that before, he's always just repeated 'he tried to kill his parents and his brother wrestled with him to get the knife and then he ended up here'. And about the medication piece, oh God. I cannot tell you how happy I am to hear why he won't take it. He just always refuses it and doesn't say why he does. I honestly have to consider asking the CEO of this place to let you be a psychiatrist." We both let out a light-hearted laugh at that. That's when I actually realized how gorgeous Silena was and all the little details about her. If I thought Piper was gorgeous, Silena was a living goddess dipped in gold. She had straight blonde hair that literally _never_ came out of place, and she's had it down all day. If I tried to walk out of my house like that, I would need to put about three bottles of moose in my hair to keep my dull curls in place just for _half_ of the day. She also had blue eyes; they weren't a gorgeous electric blue like Thalia's, but they were still as pretty as the waters of the Caribbean. And her figure was to literally keel over and die for. She had curves in all the right places, topped with a perfect hour-glass figure, compared to my gross straight 'stick-like' figure. I noticed a silver band on her left ring finger, although I'm pretty sure _rock_ would be a better description. That thing had to be at least 22 karats, or more.

I think Silena saw me gaping at her ring, because she laughed fondly at me and said. "Yup, my fiancé is something else. He owns his own mechanics shop—he loves working with his hands. So since he own his own shop, he doesn't really have to worry about any type of financial issues. Almost had a heart attack when I saw him produce a twenty four karat ring made out of pure white gold. So next month I'll become Mrs. Beckendorf." She laughed, pure love shining in her eyes. I asked her more about her fiancé, and I learned that they were only two years apart, they met when Silena was only twelve at a summer camp. They had started dating when Silena was sixteen, and they both had gone to NYU. Charles Beckendorf—just Beckendorf to all of his friends, or Charlie, as only Silena was able to call him—was a black man originally from Barbados that was very hard-working, kind, and showered Silena 'with more love than she deserved'. It made me happy to see Silena this happy, she found someone who made her so utterly happy that even after twelve years of dating she still got butterflies around him, as cliche as it sounds.

It made me slightly hopeful that one day—even if no one actually fell in love with me (because, really, who would?)—I could find happiness and come out of this depressing black hole that I've been sinking further and further into.

Silena then told me that my hour was up, and thanked me for having a conversation with her, because she knew how much effort it must've taken me to talk to someone besides my parents. Then, once again, she thanked me for 'getting Percy to open up'. She then told me I could go to the common room with the others and watch _Pitch Perfect_ if I wanted to, since every night after dinner the patients got to watch a movie and let me know that she was working a 36 hour shift, so if I needed anything I could get to her. I decided to go, because _Pitch Perfect_ was a movie I watched every Friday night with my parents, maybe because they felt bad about me not having friends, but it was still fun.

I went to the couch farthest from where I saw people sitting, and as I expected, Frank and Percy were sitting on the couch, as far away from each other as possible. As I got closer, I noticed, to my shock, that they were discussing something with each other. It made me smile to see them interacting with other people, so I tried my best not to make much noise and stop them from talking. Frank must have noticed me though, because he said something else to Percy, then pointed me. Percy turned around, then they both smiled and waved me over to where they were.

"Hey," I said, and raised my eyebrow at both of them, smiling slightly. I seemed to be smiling a lot more since I got here, which wasn't even a full twenty-four hours yet.

I liked this change though.

I asked what was so funny and that seemed to bring on whole new fits of laughter, because both Percy and Frank keeled over and started to crack up. Finally, Frank looked up while Percy pretended to wipe tears out of his eyes.

"It's honestly not very funny at all," Frank said, but he was still grinning like the Cheshire cat. "So you know how me, Percy, and Nico have been here the longest, right?" I nodded, and Frank continued. "Well they show _Pitch Perfect_ at the end of every month, so we know the words, stage directions, and everything by heart. So like immature teenage boys, we decided to mock every line in a high-pitched voice."

I snorted in the most unlady-like way imaginable, and rolled my eyes at the two of them. "Anyways," I asked, "how did you guys even end up talking to each other?"

"Well…" Percy started. "I actually don't know. We both talked to you today, first person Frank's talked to since he's been here and first person I've talked to in a year. And we've both talked to you today, and you're a cool person, so obviously you had to talk to cool people, such as myself," he winked and gestured to himself, making me laugh, "so we thought we may as well talk to each other, and it's been working out well. Instant friendship, boom. So yeah, I guess we have to say thank you to Annabeth." He smirked at Frank.

"_Thank you Anna-Beth_," they both said in unified sing song-y voices, and emphasizing my name, as if they were elementary school children, and for some reason that made me absolutely hysterical with laughter.

Frank hugged my shoulder in a brotherly manner and said, this time completely serious, "No really though, Annabeth; thank you." He smiled at me, so wide that I thought his face would stretch too far apart.

"More like I should be thanking you two," I said. "I honestly have never held a conversation with anyone besides my parents until I got here. And I haven't laughed in…God, I don't even know how long it's been since I've laughed. And _smiling_, none of those have been real since I was like twelve. Sad but true."

Percy and Frank both smiled at me, and I hugged them both, not even caring that they were both red bracelets and could go after me at any second. We returned our attention to the movie until it was over. About half-way through, I started to doze off, and I vaguely remembered falling asleep restlessly on Percy's shoulder.

About three hours later, it was lights out. Percy gently shook me awake and told me that I had to go to bed now, and explained that lights out was so early because of 'sleeping problems that it seemed that most patients here possessed'.

"The movie ended a while ago, but I didn't want to wake you up. You can go sleep more comfortably in a bed now." He bid me goodnight and then went into his room.

I went back to my room, and tried going back to sleep for three hours, but something felt wrong. Now I realized what it was. My parents weren't here, and this is where the separation anxiety started to kick in. I felt like I was suffocating, and it was suddenly becoming harder for me to breathe. I started to hyperventilate, and spots danced in my vision. I knew what was happening; I was having a panic attack. I started to sweat and as the attack went on, my hyperventilating got louder and I couldn't think or see straight. Luckily, a night monitor was walking by my room, and I thank God on all things holy that he was passing by to help me. He ran in and helped me out of the room and to the nurses station, where I saw Silena and some other nurse whose face or name tag I couldn't make out.

Silena started to rub soothing circles into my back, encouraging whispers going into my ear until I calmed down.

She disappeared for a few minutes, then came back with a cup with three tan pills in it and a full cup of water. "You weren't supposed to get this until you met the psychiatrist tomorrow, but I think now is an exception. It's Citalopram, or Celexa for short. It has two purposes—it's an anti-depressant and it should help a great deal with your anxiety. But for right now, you can call your parents, if it helps. It's almost one, but I doubt that they'd mind."

I nodded, and then took the pills and downed the water in one go. I picked up the phone, noticing that I was still trembling from my episode earlier. I dialed the number that I had become so familiar with, and waited until I heard my mother's tired voice on the other side of the line.

**Hello? Chase Residence, may I ask who's calling?**

_Mom? It's Annabeth._

**Oh hey, sweetheart! I didn't expect it to be you this late at night! What's up?**

_Umm…hold on. _I gave Silena the phone for her to explain what had happened.

_Hi Mrs. Chase…this is Silena, one of the nurses here. Oh I'm fine, thanks for asking. Annabeth is okay, but it seemed that her separation anxiety started to kick in when she had to go to bed… Mhm? Oh, three hours ago…Yes, she's fine now. She had a panic attack, so we started the Celexa earlier than we discussed earlier. _Silena gave a light-hearted laugh. _No, it was absolutely no problem; that's my job here. Okay, I'll give her back the phone._

Silena handed me back the phone, and I finished the conversation with my mother.

_Mom?_

**Annabeth? I'm glad you're okay now, I know it's hard. Your father said to tell you he loves you, and I love you so much too. I'll call you later on, okay?**

_Okay mom. Bye, tell dad I love him. I love you too._

**Bye honey. Stay strong. **I could hear the smile in my mother's voice, and I felt better.

The line went dead, and then Silena led me back to my room. She turned to leave just as I said, "Silena?" She smiled and replied, "Yes?"

"Would you mind…um, staying with me until I fall asleep? My mom usually does and I go to sleep pretty quickly and—"

"Of course," Silena said, and sat on the chair next to my bed. Just like my mother did, Silena started to stroke my messy curls until I fell into a peaceful sleep.

**A/N: SEMI-LONG AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, yeah this chapter was not my best. It's only six and a half pages at a size 12 Times New Roman font. **

**I really should apologize for the late chapter, it's been two weeks. But the thing is, I got out of school way earlier than everyone else (I go to Milton Academy, one of the most prestigious private schools in the world, number 19 in fact), because my school is just cool like that. **

**Anyways, if you're feeling kind and dropping a review, tell me how your Christmas went! Mine was amazing, I got my mom one of those heavy-duty kitchen griddles that she's been wanting for like two years. She almost had a heart attack, because apparently me and my sisters (I have two; one is 12 and one is 6) got her one that's "too-fancy". Or if you don't celebrate Christmas, tell me how your break is going! My best friend is Jewish, so I've learned to start saying "happy holidays" instead of just "Merry Christmas", ha. **

**Also, I hope you guys aren't too upset about grammatical mistakes, I try my best, because nothing drives me more up the wall than incorrect grammar. Sometimes I just type way too quickly and don't re-read carefully to catch things. I'm taking a mandatory grammar and writing class, all freshmen at my school have to. It's helping a lot, haha. I even read a different fanfic today and was like, "Woah! There's a megablunder in this!" I'm such a nerd.**

**Until next time, which is hopefully later this week or next Tuesday, back to my every week schedule!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Here's the part I dreaded since the moment I stepped foot into Half-Blood Hill. Since I had my little 'episode' last night, I was being forced to see the psychiatrist.

I walked down the hall alone, and stopped when I saw a bronze plaque labeled "_Dr. Brunner_" over a chestnut-wood door. I knocked gently, and a voice from the other side said, "Come in."

I walked in, trying to be as quiet as possible. Despite me willing to talk to some people yesterday, this was an adult, my psychiatrist, as a matter of fact. "Hi, Dr. Brunner?" He smiled kindly at me, and I could tell that it was genuine.

"You must be Annabeth, right? Well all of the patients here call me Chiron, so you may as well. Please, take a seat." He gestured to a worn down-but comfy-looking—black leather couch. I sat in the right corner, or tried to, and Chiron began to speak. "I'll skip the entire process of reading your diagnosis', because you're well aware of them already. So why not tell me about your episode last night?"

I started fidgeting nervously with my hands, automatically going mute. I glanced at Chiron, then cast my eyes towards the floor.

"Okay," he said. "Why do you think the attack happened?" He sounded patient, as if he didn't get impatient with people and allowed them all the time they wanted to open up. So that meant I could be here all day.

"Well, I don't usually go to bed without either my mother or my father. Actually, I don't go anywhere without my parents. I've never even taken myself to school, one of them always brings me there. Um, I can't go to sleep if my mom isn't there. Last night I couldn't go to bed at lights out. So that's what happened. I missed my parents. Still do."

Chiron nodded, warm brown eyes trained attentively on me. "Okay, so you think it was just the cause of you missing your parents or your separation anxiety was coming into play?"

"Both," I answered automatically.

"Okay," Chiron said. "Thank you for cooperating. You can go now." My head snapped up, the first time my eyes left the floor since our session started. I had only been here for about fifteen minutes, but the session was over?

I turned to leave, only to be stopped by him, "Annabeth?"

I turned, and he took his glasses off, his brown eyes piercing my gray ones. "I'm looking forward to our next session, I can tell you have a lot of insight. Don't sell yourself short."

I nodded then quickly left the room. Going back to the common room, I noticed that everyone was getting ready for group check-in. I had absolutely no idea what we were supposed to do or what was supposed to happen, all I knew was that all eight of us would attend it, and it took place everyday after breakfast. I had eaten my breakfast about two hours earlier so I was able to sit for an hour afterwards and then see Chiron.

As I got closer, I noticed that we got a new girl. She was African-American, petite, pretty in a conservative way—if that made any sense, had hazel eyes, and had long golden hair that was curlier than mine, as if she were bi-racial. She was talking to Piper, or at least Piper was talking to her. Piper noticed me and waved me over to where she was sitting. Although hesitant, I obliged and sat down next to her, giving her and the new girl a small wave.

"Annabeth, this is Hazel," Piper said, and I noticed the green bracelet on Hazel's arm. "Hazel, Annabeth." Hazel stuck her hand out, and I raised my eyebrow at her in question.

She laughed, then said, "My name and my eyes, right? Yeah my mom was supposed to name me some extravagant thing that I can't even pronounce, but apparently she took one look at my eyes and decided to name me Hazel."

I nodded, then shook her hand. "Well nice to meet you, Hazel." I eyed her green bracelet, wondering what she was here for. She followed my gaze, then noticed I was looking at her bracelet.

"Oh," she said, "yeah, I'm not really harmful. I have bipolar disorder." I formed an "O" with my mouth, then nodded my head.

Piper shook both of our arms and motioned for us to look at the clock. It was about time for group check-in, and everyone was slowly gathering around Drew, Silena, and another nurse whose name I didn't know. We sat down, and I waved to Frank and Percy, who were on opposite sides of the circle. They both smiled and waved back.

"Okay," the nameless nurse said. "The regular routine; state your name, age, and your goal for the day. For the new patients here, I'll explain the 'goal of the day' part. It can be as big as pouring your heart and soul out to the psychiatrist, or as simple as attending any group session or activity."

Nico was first to go. "I'm Nico, I'm fifteen years old, and my goal for the day is to actually have a full conversation on the phone with my parents."

And so it went on, in the circle.

"I'm Frank, I'm sixteen, and I'm going to try not to loathe any appointments, if I have any today."

"I'm Leo, I'm fifteen, and I'm gonna try not to set anything on fire today. Although if you ask me, the matches should be contained better." He got a heated glare from Silena here.

"Piper, sixteen, and I'm not going to take anything today." All three nurses raised an eyebrow at that, making Piper re-phrase. "Fine, I'll _try_."

"I'm Hazel, I'm sixteen, and I guess I'll try not to swear too much."

"I'm Annabeth, I'm seventeen, and I guess to participate in a session."

"I'm Jason, I'm sixteen, and my goal for the day is to try not to have a panic attack."

"I'm Thalia, I'm seventeen, and my goal is to not swear at anyone when I get weighed." I honestly could have laughed at Thalia. Not out of disrespect, but because she looked so badass when she said it; arms and legs crossed, serious expression, leather jacket and all.

Last but not least was Percy. "I'm Percy and I'm seventeen…my goal for today is to maybe take my medication…_Maybe_…Silena, stop smiling. I said _maybe_." Silena's smirk immediately went away, but the twinkle in her eyes never disappeared. Everyone was looking at each other in shock; Percy hasn't ever taken his medication since he's been here.

The nurse (whose name tag was finally revealed; her name was Gwen) moved towards the center of the circle, and then reminded us that we had an hour until 'recreation'. We were then dismissed, and Piper grabbed Hazel's hand to go introduce her to people. I noticed Silena going around to a couple of patients before finally sitting down next to me.

"I'm leaving now, I'll be back tomorrow. I know you'll be okay," she said. "Annabeth, look at me." I raised my eyes up from the floor, and she continued. "I really cannot tell you how thankful everyone that works here is for you. He's actually _considering_ the medication." She hugged me then got up to leave.

Seeing as I still had a decent fifty-five minutes until recreation—whatever _that_ was—I would go take a shower. I retrieved my things and went into a bathroom.

Right before stepping into the shower, I examined my body in the mirror. It wasn't because I thought I was _beautiful_ or even _moderately attractive_, it was because this was a regular routine for me. Criticizing every inch of myself.

I stared at all of the scars on my body, hating all of it. They were everywhere; it seemed as though there was barely any skin left uncovered. As much as I hated seeing all of these angry marks, I never seemed to be able to stop. Whenever I was stressed, overwhelmed, depressed—anything, I did it. It was like razors possessed some unknown power over all of my problems. Whenever I glided the blade over my skin, and I saw pools of red liquid spill over the surface, everything was temporarily forgotten. My fingers ghosted over the new scars on my stomach, arms, and legs, red and puffy. It was as if someone had dotted wash-out red paint on my skin. It was as if the lines were drawn by something as simple as a Sharpie. It was intriguing, yet hideous. It was funny; my pale white skin against the angry red. _The color of innocence against the color of sin_. It was absolutely revolting.

My attention turned from the scars to the rest of my body. My ribcage was visible if I lifted my arms up, and to many I might just be considered sick, but it was re-assuring to see that I was nearing my goal. My nails were way too delicate from a lack of keratin, so they kept breaking and stripping, causing me to paint them constantly. My height wasn't very impressive; I was only about 5'5". I was way too pale for my own good, as if I spent years away from the sun. My eyes weren't a bright, beautiful grayish-silver like most gray-eyed people possessed; they were a dull, dangerous hue. They were like a storm; a deadly, bitter, angry storm. Then there were my cheeks, which always seemed too plump, no matter how much weight I desperately tried to lose. My eyelashes and eyebrows were a medium shade of brown, which didn't match my blonde hair at all. Then, finally, I attacked my hair. My hair wasn't full of luscious curls that made me the center of envy (not that it was my intention, but I'm sure you get the point), my hair was the weirdest shade of blonde possible, and no matter how much effort I spent on my curls, trying to tame them, they somehow always got messy and tangled up again.

I finally sighed in defeat, then stepped into the steaming water.

When I was done, I got dressed in a white and green three-quarter sleeve shirt, a pair of gray Goode sweatpants, and my Converse. Deciding to leave my wet hair down, I gave myself a once-over in the mirror, and immediately cursed. The shirt sleeves couldn't reach my hands, so they would show a good portion of my wrists. Which meant that people could see my cuts, most of which were fresh. But I realized that as I was going through my clothes bag, the only actual long sleeves were my pajamas.

I sighed and walked through the door, self-consciously trying to cover my arms with my hands. I went to the nurses station and asked if I could have gauze to cover my arms with. As quickly as I could after getting my arms wrapped, I walked into the common room and sat down in a couch. I looked at the clock and noticed that there was only about fifteen minutes left until whatever this recreation thing was. The only other people in the common room with me were Thalia and Nico, who were talking to each other quietly, and both waved when they noticed me. Everyone else was either in their room or taking a shower.

Fifteen minutes later, I found myself in a room with Nico, Jason, and a counselor, whose name was Nia. Nia welcomed all of us, and thanked us for coming (as if we had a choice). She handed us each a piece of lined paper and a pencil.

On the paper, she wanted us to write about a time when we were at our lowest point in our lives, and how we dealt with it. Jason started immediately, Nico scowled at the paper and then started, and I took that as my cue to then start.

I thought for a little bit, then started writing, although I didn't have much to say, until Nia told us that time was up.

Jason was asked to go first, and he recited what his paper said, "I guess it was my first panic attack. I was twelve, I think, and I was at school. If I'm remembering this right, it was because there was some stupid fourteen year olds that started bugging me. Since then my anxiety was sky-rocketing through the roof, and then it soon turned into my panic disorder. So yeah, I guess I turned to self-harm to deal with it. That's why my arms look so fucked up."

Nico started speaking immediately, reading extremely fast. "It was the year that my sister died. Her name was Bianca and she was four years older than me. She was actually my age when she died, so I was eleven. Her school was on a trip to Rome and the plane crashed in the Mediterranean. I got depressed, never got better. Then one day, about half a year later, I accidentally burned my arm on a heater, and the burning myself started from there. I started cutting too about two years ago. So that's basically it."

I read next, "I never really had a 'lowest moment' in my life. My life is fine, my parents are fine, I guess I was just born with unfortunate disorders, right?"

Nia then said okay, and asked us why we believed that we were placed together in this specific group. All three of us looked puzzled, then turned to look at her, curiosity evident in our eyes.

"If you remember yesterday, everyone was with Mike, the OT, and said their diagnosis'. It turns out that all of you have self-harms issues," cue glares from everyone in the room, but Nia seemed immune to it and continued on with what she was saying, "and the staff thought it best to put you guys together and maybe you could even help each other."

We all nodded, and then Nia told us that 'we had already shared enough angst for the day'. So for the remaining twenty minutes, we were free to talk to each other about anything we wanted. Unlike Nia expected, we started actually talking about our diagnosis' and how they affected us when we weren't in this hospital.

Much to my surprise, we were all pretty 'friendless', for lack of a better word. Nico didn't necessarily care for people who weren't either his family or in this hospital, Jason just didn't really think he needed friends; he thought that they were linked to panic attacks. And I was just friendless since birth because of how horrible my social anxiety was.

Five minutes before it was time to rotate, Gwen came through the door and asked to see me. When in the hallway, I asked what the problem was, and the two words that Gwen said made my heart drop.

"It's Percy."

**A/N: GOSH I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON! THREE WEEKS?! Well I can't entirely apologize, school is crazy and hectic and annoying. I have exams next Monday through Friday, so I honestly don't know when I'll update. I guess it's just when I can, guys. I literally skipped my study hall today to write this chapter for you guys. Yeah it's short, and yeah the ending was suckish, but I had to leave you guys with SOMETHING. Please don't hate me haha.**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Five minutes before it was time to rotate, Gwen came through the door and asked to see me. When in the hallway, I asked what the problem was, and the two words that Gwen said made my heart drop.

"It's Percy."

I stuttered, "Wh—what about Percy?"

Gwen eyed me carefully, "He had another episode. When security got here, he clawed one of their faces and it wasn't pretty. This is so against hospital policy, but all of the staff here thinks that this is a special case." She stopped, making me freeze in my tracks. Her cobalt eyes burned into mine, "Please, _please_ talk to him. Just sit outside his door, make him talk. He started to hyperventilate and completely shut down when he got locked in his room."

My face became emotionless, my lips forming into a straight line. "Take me to him." I said monotonously.

We went to his room, and I could see what Gwen was talking about. There was a security guard leaving the unit, and his face looked as if he had just crawled from a war zone. There were three deep gashes on his face, still open and bleeding. That meant that this was bad.

I went to his door and slid down the wall until I was sitting on the ground, then gently called, "Percy?"

He weakly banged the door once in response, as if telling everyone outside to just leave him alone. He then slid down the door, mirroring my position exactly. The silence in the air was so thick that it could be cut with a knife, but it was soon broken by the sound of Percy's soft crying.

"I want to die, Annabeth," he said. "I just want to die. I can't get away from the things I see and hear. I can't tell what's real or what's fake anymore. Actually, I don't even _know _what's real and what's fake anymore. Everything is wrong. They're mad. My head hurts, Annabeth. I don't know what I did this time. God, I just want to die. My head is on fire." That 'soft crying' soon turned into heart-wrenching sobs that made my heart break.

"The meds," I said. "They might work. They'll make those things go away, Percy. I think your headache will go away."

He sighed. "What is it called? The meds, I mean."

I tried remembering what Gwen had told me on the way over here. "It's Risperidone. It treats schizophrenia, Percy. Your dose is 20 mg. That's four pills."

He was silent for a while, so I thought that he had just given up on the medication, which made my heart stop. Finally I heard him drag himself off the ground, and then the door was cracked open slightly.

"I'll take _two_. That's it. No more." His hair was messy and his eyes were bloodshot.

I didn't feel like arguing that he was only taking 10 mg, so I just allowed Gwen to bring over only two pills in the cup. He looked down at the pills tentatively, then closed his eyes and took them. He didn't say anything, didn't move at all either. He just shook his head, went back into his room, and closed the door.

"Don't leave," he whispered through the wood.

"I wouldn't," I whispered back.

"Tell me anything. Recite anything you know, any story you have. Just don't make me think," Percy said.

I thought, and then decided I would share my favorite spoken-word poem that I had recited a long time ago. It was actually really depressing, but also very inspirational. I couldn't help but tear up whenever I listened to it. "Okay then," I said, "here it goes. It's called 'To This Day' by Shane Koyczan."

I took a deep breath then began. The poem took seven minutes to recite, but I loved it so much that it didn't even bother me. There were powerful parts in there that made my voice rise in power and volume; the poem was absolutely beautiful.

Percy was silently listening until I was finished, then said, "Wow."

I laughed lightly, "I know. I love it."

You know," he said, "one of those lines were for you." He reopened the door, and we were then sitting face-to-face.

"Oh?" I raised my eyebrow, to which he just nodded in response.

"_And if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer. Because there's something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit._" His green eyes burned into mine.

I blushed and averted my eyes. Percy put his fingers under my chin and made me raise my head up to look him in the eyes again. I swallowed before speaking.

"_But our lives will only ever always continue to be a balancing act that has less to do with pain, and more to do with beauty_." The last line of the poem. The one that resonated most within me.

Percy smiled, "Okay, that's enough philosophy for me today. What group do we have next?"

I laughed and then we both got up. Percy looked down at me and then raised an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

He just shook his head and said, "Your height makes me feel so much better about myself. I mean you're what? Five-six? Five-seven? Compare it to a guy like me, who's six-five." He swung his arm around my shoulder, messing my hair up in the process.

I glared at him playfully, then swatted his hand away. I noticed that we both had different groups, then departed. He and Frank had recreation, which I had just come from with Jason and Nico, and I had my next group in the room where Thalia, Leo, Piper, and Hazel had just come out of. I read what the name of the group was on the door and almost screamed.

_Drugs and Sex Ed_ was eloquently posted on the door. I was absolutely mortified; I had taken these classes in both sixth and ninth grade and to say the least, I'm—to this day—scarred from the haunting memories. Thankfully, that went surprisingly fast, as did my other two groups.

Now we were in the second to last group. Both of these were for all nine of us; the first one was always something different everyday, and the second one was the group check-in with Mike, the OT of our floor.

For this first group, we were all given a piece of construction paper and told to put our names on it. This was led by Gwen and Drew, who told us that we would have to pass our paper clockwise and write something nice about the other person until we ended up with our paper again. We all gave Drew and Gwen poker-faces, as if to say, '_You really expect fifteen to seventeen year olds to do this without feeling like first-graders?_' They just shrugged and handed out pens, eyeing everyone with either a red or yellow bracelet pointedly—which just earned them five heated glares and scowls.

We passed the papers around until finally the activity was over. We weren't required to share what was on the paper out loud, but we were told to read it, which I was grateful for—especially because it boosted my self-esteem slightly. Of course they were all horribly cliché because really no one put effort into this assignment, but it was still nice to read all of the words on my paper.

This group finally was over, and the nine of us walked over to group check-in. Of course, all of days were pretty horrible because, I mean, did anyone really expect anything different?

The scores were: _Me: 3, Percy: 3, Thalia: 5, Nico: 3, Leo: 7, Frank: 4, Piper: 6, Jason: 5, _and _Hazel: 7_, which surprised everyone considering that it was her first day.

Mike dismissed us, then reminded us that it was time to go to the common room for our every-other-day health check-up and routine. Which meant checking our temperature, blood pressure, taking a urine sample (gross; and how would any of us be pregnant and/or taking drugs from the comforting walls of a nut house?), and—most dreadful of all for Thalia and me—weighing.

It went okay, I guess.

My jaw was locked and my eyes turned steely cold when I stepped on the scale. I had earned half a pound, much to my dismay, and I felt the overwhelming urge to cut when I found that out. Remembering what I heard from Nico and Jason, I started clawing at my arms, which earned me time in a solitary room by myself and even more irremovable gauze taped onto my wrist, straight up to my elbows.

I heard Thalia's mouth as soon as she stepped on the scale, and I can honestly understand why her goal for the day was not to swear at the staff. Of course she didn't attain her goal, but I found out that she has some _extremely _colorful language, to say the least. Whether her weight improved or not, I had no idea. Either way, I know that both me and her had a trip to Chiron in our near future, potentially before dinner too.

Almost as if the universe sensed my thoughts, Drew came in the room and told me to go to Chiron immediately. I silently cursed and hauled myself up, going down the halls to the familiar brown chestnut-wood door.

After fifteen minutes of failed attempt to get me to 'open-up' or whatever, Chiron thought it best to do cognitive behavioral therapy on me instead. That just meant that I would have to be thinking about what I do and why I do it.

I was set to lie down on the bed-like thing in the office. And Chiron sat in a chair to my right.

"Okay Annabeth, clear your mind completely. Or at least try." I did as he said, then he continued.

"Now, imagine two roads with doors on the end of each of them. One is on a beautiful trail, it contains all of your happy memories. The other is dark, maybe terrifying, even. It contains all of the bad things that have ever happened to you. Walk right through that door."

My dream self saw the two paths, and itched to go down the pretty one, but I turned, swallowed, and walked towards the dark one. I opened it and hesitantly stepped inside.

"Think back to the first time you started cutting. Remember every detail, remember every feeling and thought."

I did remember. There was no easy way to forget those types of things.

_I was in eighth grade, only thirteen, I had just faced so many bullies and today had seemed too over-whelming. I had locked myself in my room and the tears started to flow continuously. I scanned my room, my grey orbs landing on a pencil sharpener on my desk. I knew I shouldn't have been thinking like this, but I was drawn towards it. I somehow unscrewed the blades and took the biggest one in my hand, twirling it around in thought for a few moments._

_On impulse, I had jarred the end of it onto my wrist, and made a long, jagged cut on my flesh. Blood immediately rushed out of the wound and cascaded down my arm. The blood was mesmerizing, and so was the pain. I did it once, twice more, until I didn't even realize what I was doing. All I knew was that the pain I felt inside was being turned into pain I felt on the outside, and I was fine with that. The slicing kept going, until there were exactly twenty-five cuts on each wrist, my arms a tidal pool of blood. I was breathing heavily, and I remember having to pour almost half a bottle of peroxide onto my arms to get the bleeding to finally stop._

I opened my eyes suddenly and bolted upright, startling Chiron in the process.

"I remember," I whispered, and told him the entire story, just as I remembered it. He scrawled notes quickly onto his notepad, listening intently. When my story was over, he told me to repeat the same exercise, except remembering the first time that I had made myself throw up.

Again, I did remember.

_Ninth grade. Fourteen years old. It was a Tuesday evening, and I was watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show with my mother. She usually didn't watch these things nor approve of my watching them, but tonight I somehow convinced her. Each girl walked out, making my self-esteem dip even lower than it already was. I wanted to be each girl walking down the runway, but I couldn't be. I had just finished dinner, not making my situation any better. I eyed the bathroom, only about fifty feet away, and told my mother that I would be right back. _

_I locked the bathroom door. Hunched over the toilet, I stuck my finger straight down my throat. I started retching, and soon there was nothing left inside to regurgitate. I made a vow to myself that day: I would do _**_anything_**_ it takes to be that pretty, even if it killed me._

Again, I told Chiron exactly what I remembered, and he listened attentively. He then dismissed me and told me how proud he was of my progress today.

I walked out of the door, and was met with a scowling Thalia. She muttered a half-hearted, "hey" under her breath and then marched right into the office, slamming the door to emphasize the point that she didn't want to be there.

I looked up at the clock, surprised that I had spent over an hour in my session with Chiron. Going back to the common room, I was greeted by Drew with my Celexa in a little plastic cup with some water in another. I reluctantly took the medication, but didn't complain out loud.

Once again, I was allowed to call my parents. I started crying while on the line, but I felt much better when I hung up.

I barely ate that night, but the nurses didn't pester me too much. I was just ready for this day to be over.

**A/N: If any of you read "Beauty from Pain", you'll know why I didn't update. Shoutout to depression and self-harm for ruining my life. But yeah, sorry it's not my best, just barely broke six pages. Today sucked too. My basketball coach promised us that we would get out of conditioning for two days if everyone on our team made at least one basket during today's game. Of course I was literally the only one out of fourteen people that didn't make the stupid shot. So now I have thirteen other girls mad at me, along with all the other people giving me trouble in school. I love my life (sarcasm to the max). Review, pretty please? I'll send you warm baskets of joy and love. Thanks for reading, as always. I stayed up until 1 AM writing this for you guys. If that's not love, what is?**


End file.
